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In-Law Week: Wrapping it Up

We’ve reached the end of the series on in-law relationships. Thank you so much to all who contributed to this series. Today I’m just going to post links to the various posts and resources, and then leave us with a few quotes and thoughts from friends.

First, what’s the purpose of this relationship?

What’s the Goal?

Here are three guest posts and one extra link on showing grace and the love of Christ to our in-laws (relevant for every relationship):

Guest Post by Kim Shay, whose mother-in-law was instrumental in her conversion

Guest Post by Rachel Lonas, who didn’t fit her mother-in-law’s expectations, but was shown love and grace anyway

Guest Post by Kyle Castro, whose in-laws gave him a second chance at family

The Generosity of Centered Love, by Beth Impson

Then, some thoughts on what causes these relationships to get off to a rough start:

How Do We Go Wrong?

But what about those relationships that just aren’t working? Is there hope?

Guest Post by Marci Preheim – for when your marriage isn’t big enough for the three of you

Finally, here are some thoughts from a few friends about their relationships with their in-laws:

On the Initial Meeting:

My first encounter with my MIL was me taking the first step in writing my future in laws a short thank you note telling them how grateful I was to them for raising my husband in a godly home and with character that I admired and had come to love. I told them that I had been praying for a man like him and was really looking forward to meeting them (Was invited up to MI for Thanksgiving) Not sure what prompted me to do that other than I really did feel grateful and wanted to express it to them. Anyway, when I got there she welcomed me with a huge hug and seemed genuinely happy to see me. When she showed me the room she had set up for me, there was a gift bag with a blanket, a light sweater and some University of Michigan slippers. (She thought since I was coming from FL, that I might be cold since I wasn’t used to the weather.) – Theresa

On TV Viewing and In-Law Relationships:

Daughter-in-Law: You need to IGNORE hat the world says about MIL’s, block “Everybody Loves Raymond” on TV, it will only poison you towards your MIL. You may be landing a great MIL, sometimes that relationship just takes time to blossom! 

Mother-in-Law:  Be patient. Watch “Everybody Loves Raymond” and vow to NEVER EVER be like Marie. Wait for your DIL to ask for your advice, or start up conversations and see if it leads to her asking you for help/advice. – Melissa

On Bringing Together Families:

I always keep the story of Ruth in my mind & on my heart—-especially on the bad days. I included verses from Ruth in my wedding vows that I wrote: “your people shall be my people”. I meant that when I said that to my husband almost 33 years ago. – Wanda

I hope this series has been an encouragement to others, as I know it has to me. I’m still irrational about giving up my son one day. But at the end of the day, he was never mine to begin with. I’m so thankful for the love of Christ that draws us into His family and brings strangers together. Our physical families may never be close and our in-law relationships may be fraught with pain. But His bride–the church–is our eternal family. And He is our brother, our friend, our bride-groom and our savior. What joy there is in knowing Him!

 

She Chose Grace – Guest Post by Kim Shay

Below is the first in a series of guest posts and thoughts on the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship. This post, written by Kim Shay, was such a blessing to me and I pray it is to you as well. So many good things to take from this. Be sure to skip over to the links at the bottom of the post to check out some of Kim’s other writing.

I began dating my husband in 1984. I liked him because there was something very different about him. When I found out he was a Christian, I was even more interested, because I wanted to know who Jesus was.

After a few months, I wanted to meet his family. He had met mine, and I could not understand why he was so hesitant to introduce me to his. I know now that it was because he knew his parents would not approve of him dating an unconverted girl. When it became an issue of  “you either introduce me or we’re through,” he took me to meet them.

As a mother myself now, I can only imagine what it was like  for her to meet me. Her son, who should have known better, had brought home an unbelieving girl. This is the not the ideal situation.  What she thought, I don’t know, but not once did she give a hint of the angst she must have felt.

When she discovered that I had an interest in spiritual things, she was happy to answer my questions. She purchased a bible for me; a burgundy, leather, King James Bible. As I opened it, I saw the notation she had made directing me to a verse. At that verse, there was a note to go to another verse; and so on. She had basically given me the gospel message. She gave me that bible at the end of March of 1985. I was converted in May 1985.

She had no idea that this unbelieving girl who had been brought into her life longed to understand who God was, who Jesus Christ was.  All she knew was that here was a young woman in need of a Savior.  Despite the fact that she was probably not entirely happy with her son, she treated me with love and grace. I was always treated with kindness every time I saw her from the very first occasion meeting her. She could have been cold toward me, mistrustful, wondering what kind of awful influence I was going to be, but she did not do that. She chose grace.

Later, I was a young woman redeemed, but still with many rough edges:  I didn’t always say the right thing, I didn’t always dress with the most modest of attire, and I talked too much. But she never lost patience with me. Her desire for me was to grow in the things of God.

She has continued to show grace with my children. Teenagers often make bad decisions, and my kids were no different. She never criticized or rejected them, but loved them as a grandmother, showing an interest in their lives. Even when I am quite certain she didn’t like what they were doing, she loved them, and let them know it. It’s not always easy loving a teenager, but she always managed to look past whatever immaturity was there.

My mother-in-law has loved me well because above all, she loves the Lord. There is not a doubt in my mind that her source of life and breath is in the relationship she has with Christ. The reason why she has been so patient with me is because she loves me as Christ loves her. A lot of mothers, when their kids bring home unbelieving friends, want to chase them away. I have known some who threaten to cut off contact unless the unsaved friend goes. I’m so thankful my mother-in-law did not hesitate to embrace me, even when I know it was hard to accept me initially.

My mother-in-law continues to overlook my faults, my outspoken nature, my lingering tendency to talk too much. She continues to be a loving woman to the girl who still has a lot of rough edges.  She has been my example in so many ways. I have one of the very best pieces of her: her son, who is so much like her. I guess I’m doubly blessed.

In my room, I have a cedar chest that belonged to my grandmother. Inside, I have a collection of precious items: things like the kids’ favourite stuffed toys, a blanket that was mine as a baby, my wedding shoes. Also among this collection is a very battered King James bible that was used to guide me to Christ, her gift to me. It was a gift of grace that continues. I’m so thankful for my mother-in-law.

Moi

Kim has been married for 26 years to her husband, Neil, and has three young adult children. She is a bible teacher and blogger, and lives in southern Ontario, Canada. She blogs regularly at The Upward CallOut of the Ordinary, and is a contributor at  Karis.