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Tag Archives: pre-marital counseling

The Gospel and Sex

'Mazzali: SWEET bed' photo (c) 2007, Mazzali - license:’ve talked on the blog before about pre-marital counseling, and I’ll be writing about it again soon. One of the facets of most counseling sessions is a conversation on sex. Maybe we talk about the purpose of it, what inhibits it, how we use it to negotiate or how we come to it selfishly. Frequently, though, sex is separate from our other gospel-centered marriage counseling. I know I’ve read plenty of articles or book chapters meant to motivate me to serve my husband through sex. These things might work for a time, but I’ve realized they only go so deep. We know we should do it, but the “why” is left at “because he needs it,” and the “how” is “by being open and vulnerable and willing.”

But these statements leave us still wanting something deeper. I can’t muster up the courage to be vulnerable and open with my husband. I can tell myself I need to, but that only makes it harder, stacking feelings of guilt on top of each other and making it even more impossible to be vulnerable.

My dear friend, Marci, wrote a fantastic article about this topic that is a must-read–whether you’re engaged to be married, newlyweds, or married for years. Even for teens it’s a great description of the purpose and beauty of sex.

Here’s one quote that captures the angst we often feel as we look at sex in marriage:

Christian couples want to be uninhibited with each other but it’s not safe. We have perverted what God intended to be pure and we’re not quite sure how to go back. Both husbands and wives long to return to the garden of Eden when the two could be naked together and unashamed, but our sin keeps getting in the way, marring our marriage beds with shame and mistrust.

I encourage you to take the time to read this post today–it is joyful and freeing good news!

Gospel-Centered Sex? by Marci Preheim

New Series for the Fall

This past week I traveled to Branson, MO with my mom, my grandmother and my two children. I had planned to sneak away for a bit and write, but realized an hour outside of Nashville I left my computer sitting inside the door of my home. So I had an unexpected vacation from blogging. Truthfully there wouldn’t have been much time to write anyway, and my kids probably enjoyed some extra time with their mom.

My oldest starts Kindergarten next week (let’s not talk about it…I’m about to drown my sorrows in a pint of Blue Bell Banana Pudding ice cream) and things around here will soon get into some semblance of routine. Once that happens, I’m excited to explore some new blog topics:

– Mother-in-Law/Daughter-in-Law relationships

– Wedding vows

– Thank You note tips and etiquette

And of course the random non-wedding-related posts thrown in there as well.

I’m also going to be doing a series on pre-marital counseling, using some ideas and thoughts from readers (thanks!). I actually wrote some introductory thoughts on this subject, posted this past week on the Revive Our Hearts blog.

Read What Premarital Counseling Didn’t Teach Me here. And, just as an aside, this is not meant to belittle premarital counseling. Most of my counseling was actually in the form of books I read. I know many counselors who do a great job preparing couples for marriage. The point of the post is that no amount of counseling can prepare us for the unknown–only understanding Christ’s supreme value can.

Thanks for reading!