Fuel for the Body

Sunday after our church service my husband and I were talking to our friend Kyle about the importance and power of testimonies, and since then I’ve been thinking a lot on this topic.

When we have baptism services in our church body, each person being baptized first reads their testimony before the congregation. These services have become something I eagerly anticipate and I always go with tissues in hand. Standing in the waters of baptism, proclaiming the grace of God and His power to save has brought grown men to cry, so I of course have no chance at all. I cry at commercials. And even though I’ve seen Toy Story 3 twenty or thirty times, I still have to leave the room at the end so I don’t weep. But I digress.

Anyway, my pastor is always quick to point out that the same gospel power that frees the former drug-addicted stripper frees the former AWANA jewel-winning, legalistic teenager. And it’s breathtaking every time.

Sharing the story of how God “redeemed your life from the pit” is not just for the teller or for the unbeliever in the congregation–it’s also the fuel that encourages the church on its mission. When I hear how God used a college roommate or a neighbor or a parent to draw to Himself an unrepentant sinner, I am encouraged to go out and proclaim the good news. When we see the dots connected of how many people–maybe 1, maybe 30–shared the gospel with an unbeliever before they were drawn to repentance, I am reminded of God’s sovereignty and am therefore freed to proclaim without worrying about the results.

I love that one of the questions my husband asks when we have friends in our home is, “How did you become a Christian?” I imagine this was the first question the early church members asked one another. It’s so miraculous. How did God do it in your life?

So the purpose of this post is two-fold:

1. I think we should be asking friends and family members and strangers, “How did you become a Christian?” And then we can rejoice together, praising God for His grace. In turn, we can share our own stories, knowing the same Savior who died for my sins of pride and selfishness and self-righteousness, died for your sins as well.

2. Bringing it back to the wedding, I firmly believe this is a perfect opportunity to praise God by sharing your stories of how He saved you both. Whether it’s through a video, or through your pastor sharing it in his message during the ceremony, or through a message in your programs–think and pray about how you might proclaim His excellencies through sharing what He has done in your lives. This has multiple benefits: He will be praised, you will be grateful, unbelievers will hear the gospel and believers will be filled with encouragement to make disciples.

Music Monday – Gungor’s “Crags and Clay”

The book is due in one month, so I have been writing as much as possible, which means the blog is suffering from neglect. I’m hoping to have another new post up today or tomorrow, but in the meantime here is another song I think would be beautiful as a wedding processional.

This song is based on Psalm 139 and draws attention and praise to the Creator of all life. The lyrics are listed below the video, and the song is by the band Gungor.

 

 

“Crags And Clay”

Standing up from crags and clay
The peaks of earth
In full display
They break the lines
That break the sky
That’s full of life
Full of life

The chaos of creation’s dance
A tapestry, a symphony
Of life himself
Of love herself
It’s written in our very skin

All praises to the one who made it all
Who made it all
All praises to the one who made it all
And finds it beautiful

Soil is spilling life to life
Stars are born
To fill the night
The ocean’s score
The majesty
Of sculpted shore
Mystery

All praises…
Fearfully and wonderfully and beautifully made

Music Monday – The Church’s One Foundation

I have received some great recommendations for wedding songs so I thought I’d start featuring them on Mondays. If you have any songs to recommend, please leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you.

This one was recommended by my amazing mother-in-law (no, really, I’m not just saying it…she’s amazing). She is a pianist and a bride requested she play this at her wedding, and Carol thought the words were particularly fitting. I agree. It would be great as a processional or for congregational worship.

The version I’m posting here has an updated melody, but you can find the traditional hymn as well.

Encouragement for the (Wedding) Weary

Maybe you are planning a wedding and the pressure and details of it all are getting to you today. Maybe you’re not planning a wedding, but the pressure and details of day-to-day life are getting to you today. I’m at that place almost constantly, and here is what God is graciously teaching me.

In light of eternity you might think, What does is matter which chairs we choose? Or, Who cares what the centerpieces look like? These are mundane decisions—the banal details that can send an otherwise sane bride over the edge. But while planning a wedding is an unusual experience, having to carry out seemingly pointless tasks is not.

I have two small children, and at this stage in my life many days are a series of seemingly pointless tasks. I change diapers, I wipe noses, I do laundry, I build block towers just to have them knocked down. There are many moments when these things seem pointless. And yet I know they are not, and here are just two of many reasons why:

First, they are the tasks given to me for this season of life by a sovereign God who loves me dearly.

Second, these little moments are the means by which God uses me to accomplish a bigger task—loving my children and teaching them the truth of the gospel.

In your wedding planning, you will most likely not care about every decision you must make. And this is not a call to place more importance on things than necessary. I don’t make a huge deal out of making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It’s a sandwich. But I must do it so that my children’s tummies will be full and they will know they are loved and cared for. And if I get to teach them about Jesus while they’re eating, that’s great! But have you ever tried to teach a toddler something when they are hungry? It’s not happening.

Similarly, the chairs, the dishes, the food, the centerpieces—in the light of eternity these little decisions just do not matter. What does matter is having seats for your guests and feeding them as you celebrate together. The decisions are not the end in and of themselves. Rather, they are the means to an end. And even accomplishing the means can be an act of worship as you faithfully complete the tasks God has given you to do.

The act of making a pb&j or hand-crafting a centerpiece will not earn God’s favor, any more than teaching or preaching will. These actions do not save us, and they do not even sanctify us. All of that is the work of God through His Son. I frequently must remind myself of the truth of Ephesians 2:8-10:

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

We were created, in Christ, for good works. But the joy comes in knowing God prepared these works beforehand, and all we must do is walk in them–in the faith He has given us.

So today, walk in the Spirit. Pray over each step–the big decisions and the small. And then just make a choice and rest, knowing you cannot earn anything through your work anyway. Rather, you can walk in faith, fully equipped for what you are called to do, to the praise and glory of Christ Jesus.

Christian Compartments, or Why We “Spiritualize” Things

Since writing my post on bouquets and garters I have been thinking a lot on the idea of the sacred/secular split. Basically this is the idea that certain aspects of life are “sacred”–attending church, reading the Bible, prayer, evangelism–while other things are “secular”–sports, movies, non-Christian music, etc. This dichotomy presents itself in weddings as well. As Christians we easily say, “I want the ceremony to be sacred,” but assume the reception falls into the category of “secular.”

One of the things for which I am most grateful in life is my liberal arts education. At my college I was taught that all truth is God’s Truth, therefore we can apply a Christian worldview to all areas of life. It was something I began to take for granted, with “worldview” being the Sunday School answer to every college test question. But when I graduated and was no longer surrounded by believers who had been taught in the same way, I realized how rarely this line of thinking is taught in the Church.

It is so easy to see life as a series of compartments: the church compartment, the entertainment compartment, the exercise compartment, the friend compartment, the work compartment, etc. 

Francis Schaeffer wrote a good deal on this subject and in his writing he questioned how we as Christians view the Lordship of Christ. In essence, is He only Lord over our souls and the religious aspects of our life? Or is He Lord over all–our bodies, our minds and our souls? This kind of submission requires thought and prayer and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, though, which is really much harder than just making a list of “secular” activities that are, or are not, permissible for Christians.

As I’ve mentioned before, my husband is a film guy. He loves movies, particularly redemptive dramas, including classic and foreign films. In the past several months he has begun hosting occasional “Manly Movie Nights,” in which he invites a few guys over, they watch a movie and then discuss it. At first this was a somewhat awkward thing, I think, as we are not really taught to think of movies as more than just entertainment. Yet as Erik began pointing out Christ-figures and redemptive elements in the movies, they became obvious to the guys viewing them as well.

At the same time I often hear people give Erik a hard time for “spiritualizing everything.” 

At the beginning of January my pastor preached a sermon in which he called us to look at our identity as Christians. He said we should be thinking every moment in every action that we belong to Christ and should therefore be living for Him. I was extremely convicted, knowing I could not look at 2012 and say, “This year belonged to Christ.”

The problem is we take this and say, “I am Christ’s so I shouldn’t watch R-rated movies or listen to non-Christian music.” But instead of taking every thought captive, we’re choosing not to think at all. Rather than watching Schindler’s List and examining it for truth and fallacy, we watch a “safe” Hallmark Hall of Fame movie that espouses “family values” with some watered-down picture of perfection for us to idolize. Rather than listening to and examining the lyrics and musicality of a Mumford and Sons album, we choose a romanticized, watered-down gospel in contemporary “Christian music.”

Or we feel free to watch and listen to whatever we want, but neglect to take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ. We don’t examine what we take in, but turn a movie on, turn off our brains and take it in without thinking.

I guess what I’m saying in this rant, which is more for me to get my thoughts out than for anyone else to read, is that we’ve been bought with a price. I don’t think I was bought by Christ’s precious blood so I could turn off my brain and choose to not think about art and culture and society. I wasn’t bought by Christ to look like the world, but I also wasn’t bought to sit at home and avoid the world.

I was bought to participate in the Kingdom work of redeeming culture through motherhood, writing, neighboring, reading, listening, examining. I was bought to worship God with every part of me. 

And you, you were bought for Kingdom work also. Therefore glorify God in your body, and heart, and mind and soul.

So in weddings, there really shouldn’t be this secular/sacred divide, as if somethings are “spiritual” and others are not. A wedding itself is a picture of a future reality–it is a hopeful portrait of our marriage with Christ. You are a spiritual being, you have been bought with a price, you are not your own. “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.” (Rom. 12:1)

Your worship is your whole self, presented to God through His mercy and the work of His Son. You are an ambassador for Him, the aroma of Christ.

And when it comes to choosing whether or not to throw the bouquet or the garter or dance or drink or whatever, know you’re free. You’re free to do it, and you’re free not to. I shouldn’t tell you, because much depends on your particular circumstances. But know this–you have a new identity. You aren’t a slave to tradition or to other people’s expectations or opinions of you. You are a slave to Christ. And that is true freedom, leading to true JOY.

What do you think? Am I off-base? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this as I think through how to write about the big picture of weddings.

An Open Letter to My Engaged Friends

Back in the winter of 2004 I thought Christmas or New Year’s Eve would be the perfect time for a proposal. However, my now husband, then boyfriend, did not pick up on all my not-subtle-at-all hints, or, more likely, did not care about them because he had another plan. He did, obviously, propose eventually and completely surprised me. But in my mind the holidays seemed so right for it. It would seem I’m not alone because my Facebook and Twitter feeds over the past few weeks have been full of engagement announcements.

So lately I’ve been thinking, “What do I wish someone had told me the morning after I became engaged?” What is it I really needed to hear, but didn’t? Many things could be said here, but I will just write a few in the hopes that they will encourage and aid those currently planning a wedding. Note: I’ve talked before and will continue to stress the importance of planning for marriage over planning your wedding. There is no substitute for good pre-marital counseling with a local pastor who loves Christ and will ask you the tough questions to help you prepare for life together. This blog post does not delve into the subject, but rather addresses wedding-planning specifically.

1. Pinterest and wedding websites are your Frenemies

I am so thankful Pinterest wasn’t around when I was planning my wedding. Don’t get me wrong–there are lots of benefits to the site and I use it frequently. Yet the amount of pressure that brides put on themselves (and on others) to have the most creative, DIY-infused, original wedding due to what they see on this and other sites is just crushing. Ironically, all that work for originality ends up looking like another “Pinteresting” (one of my hubby’s favorite terms) wedding. In the end it’s very hard to live up to the expectations brides create based on what they see on Pinterest and other sites, so many either fight disappointment or just increase the budget to try to achieve perfection. In reality, many of the things seen on Pinterest are actually “style shoots”–images taken from fake weddings designed to inspire brides to incorporate aspects of the shoot into their weddings. But what we actually see is a kind of perfection we hope to recreate.

So you just got engaged. Take a Pinterest hiatus for a few days or weeks. Sit down with your fiance and pray about your wedding. Ask what he wants, and how much involvement he wants. Talk about the purpose of your wedding. Is it your chance to try for perfection? Is it a day to show off? Is it about you? Or is there more? Do you want big or small, day or night, indoor or outdoor, ring bearer dog or flower cat (please no. never.)?  Pray you will be able to filter out what is not helpful or realistic in the planning process. And pray for the right motives and focus during the process.

2. Whose wedding is it anyway?

Conventional wisdom is that the wedding is for the bride and groom (let’s be honest…the bride) and thus decisions should be made around what they want. It doesn’t take too many wedding planning reality show viewings to realize weddings are a hotbed of familial strife. They truly bring out the worst in just about everyone involved. I have seen typically calm, mild-mannered women turn into something scary over dresses or arguments about who will be the maid of honor. How many times do we hear, “Well it’s my wedding–this only happens once so I want it to be perfect,” or “It’s all about you”? In fact, this is the marketing message of the wedding industry.

People, do not believe this lie. I Corinthians 6:19,20 says, “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” While this passage is mainly talking about sexual immorality, the principle applies pretty much everywhere. “You are not your own.” If you have trusted Christ, you have been bought with a price. Yes, your wedding is a day for you and your fiance. But just as every day is a chance to glorify God, how much more is your wedding day?

May your wedding be a chance to proclaim His glory–to one another, to friends and family, believers and nonbelievers. Your wedding can be just about you, or it can be about God’s amazing grace in your lives–the grace that will sustain you throughout your marriage. It can be an opportunity for friends and family to worship you and your awesome DIY centerpieces, or a chance to lead others to the cross, where true worship happens.

3. In light of eternity…

Now don’t think I’m saying you shouldn’t spend time and money on your wedding. Every couple will have a different budget, so I’m not even touching that subject, but there is a certain filter to which we can subject some of these decisions. A friend told me someone had given her a great perspective on wedding planning. Our tendency is to go to extremes–either tons of money and time spent on planning, or we think this is wrong so we should therefore do very little. Yet this friend said it’s an opportunity to plan a worship service–a time to celebrate God for His grace, provision and amazing love. This kind of celebration deserves some time and money, and it’s right to spend what we can budget. This is a good thing.Yet all things come back to the motives of our hearts. I wish I could go back and ask myself, “Am I doing this in humble worship of God, or so others will THINK I’m doing it in humble worship?” Sadly many of my decisions came down to the latter.

So how do you decide how much is too much, or what to spend money and time on? I think the answer is the same no matter what stage of life you’re in. In light of eternity, does this matter? An eternal mindset changes everything. And don’t mistake this for some super-serious, no-fun kind of event. Christians should be having the most fun as we have the most to rejoice in. But if it comes down to deciding between hand-rolling 500 paper flowers or hand-writing letters of encouragement to your attendants, in light of eternity the decision seems much simpler.

4. Don’t force people to make excuses for you

Many times when people close to us get engaged, they go through this weird transformation. Maybe they aren’t exactly Bridezilla, but they are no longer the people we thought we knew. Girls previously devoted to building friendships and making disciples and growing in their faith are now consumed by wedding planning and can talk of nothing else. We quickly say, “Well after the wedding she’ll be back to normal,” or, “Well this is a very stressful time for her.” Because of the increase in commitments and responsibility, other things take a back seat–church involvement, friendships, service opportunities.

I love what my friend Janaye had to say about this: “Doesn’t it seem like when one is preparing for the most mysterious and fantastic picture God has given of our relationship with Him, we should spend more time with Christ, more time with the Church, more time in the Word?” Let this time be characterized by a deepening of relationships, rather than a focus on self. Ask those closest to you to hold you accountable and gently confront you if you start going wedding-crazy, and pray together for the right focus. May God be glorified in and through you!

These are just a few tips–things I wish someone would have told me, (although in truth I’m not sure at the the time that I would have listened). What would you add to this list?

What is a Bridesmaids Luncheon?

A couple of days ago I posted a question on Facebook about Bridesmaids Luncheons. So many of you participated and were super helpful in providing info. Apparently this is not as common a tradition as I previously thought. I still can’t tell if it’s a regional thing or not. One respondent said maybe it’s a holdover from a previous generation that is still honored mostly in the South.

I am a product of the South. My parents were living in Little Rock when they met and were married, so many of the traditions they took part in were southern traditions. Thus, when it was time for my wedding, my planning was very much influenced by southern customs. My bridesmaids, however, were from all over the place—from Atlanta to the Philippines. My Matron of Honor and her mother hosted a Bridesmaids Luncheon for me the day before the wedding and I think it was an unfamiliar tradition to some of the members of my bridal party, and I don’t think they’re alone. What seemed common to me is, in fact, just an optional event for the wedding week.

It might have its origin in the South, or it could just be a holdover from a previous generation. Whatever the source of the Bridesmaids (or Bridal) Luncheon, it is certainly not a required event. However, if you elect to have one, or are just curious as to what it is, here are some thoughts on planning an uplifting, meaningful time for the bride and her attendants.

In general terms, the Bridesmaids Luncheon is a small party given by the bride in honor of her bridesmaids. It is a chance for the bride to thank them and spend special time with them in the midst of the wedding rush. It can also be hosted by a family member or friend on the bride’s behalf. It is commonly held the day before the wedding as a precursor to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The guest list includes the female members of the bridal party as well as both the bride’s and groom’s mothers and any other close female family members. You can also invite other close friends associated with the wedding—a soloist, flower girls and their mothers, etc.

I personally love this tradition because it’s a chance for the bride to give back to those who have sacrificed to serve her. It is one moment in which the focus is on others, and it’s just a great time to relax and be with close friends and family members. It can also be a special time to focus on the Lord, surrounded by those who know and love the bride best.

On Facebook my friend Winnie shared what made her luncheon special:

A very close family friend hosted my bridesmaids luncheon and also invited women who had influenced me and pointed me to Christ. We ate and I gave my gals some gifts. These precious women asked me about my fears/concerns/hopes and then spent time praying for me. I am so thankful for that time.

Another benefit to this event is that it gives members of the bridal party a chance to get to know one another if they have never met. My college roommate had a bridal tea the day before the wedding and everyone was asked to wear a hat. Now, understand she lives in Knoxville, TN and this was a very southern event. We had a great time sipping tea, modeling our hats and getting to know each other, mostly by telling stories about the bride. She was the common denominator and telling these stories—some embarrassing, some heart-warming—was a fun shared experience for all of us.

Have you been to a Bridesmaids Luncheon that was particularly special or meaningful? What made it great?

Would You Forget Your Dress?

I am currently in Kansas visiting with family, so blogging will be spotty this week, but last night I had some time to myself (what?!) and started reading Because He Loves Me by Elyse Fitzpatrick and wanted to share a brief thought. The premise of the book is Christians need the gospel–we never move past it. Christ not only saves us, but transforms us. Here is a great section from the second chapter:

The gospel message–you have been cleansed from sin–is the pinnacle of God’s loving work in the world, and just as it is this work that saves us, it is also this work that transforms and sustains us. The gospel is the message that must remain paramount throughout all our life.  […] Jesus’ death cleanses us from sin, but it also guarantees our ultimate transformation into his image. This transformation occurs, Paul writes, while we gaze upon him, think about him, and muse on him as he has revealed himself to us in the gospel. “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another” (2 Cor. 3:18). Behold his glory in the gospel and be transformed.

A few days ago I received an email from Gloria, whose blog I have mentioned before. She was reading Jeremiah and passed this verse on to me:

Can a virgin forget her ornaments, or a bride her attire? Yet my people have forgotten me days without number. Jer 2:22

I love this picture. Of course a bride does not forget such things, yet we are so tempted to move past Christ’s work and forget Him, moving on to the important work of everyday life.

May our everyday life (from planning weddings to making PB&J for toddlers) be characterized by a remembrance of and deep love for Christ and His work.

P.S.  If you’re curious about the book and the writing process, my new friend Trillia has graciously featured me in her series on new female authors. Check it out here and be sure to read this post about Trillia’s upcoming, much-needed book.

Real Wedding: George and Becky

If you’re planning a wedding and wish you could sit down with a wise newlywed couple and ask their advice, this is the post for you. Today’s post is the first in a series of Real Wedding features.

I first heard about George and Becky through one of their pastors, Deepak Reju, who officiated their wedding at their home church, Capitol Hill Baptist in Washington, D.C. They graciously agreed to answer a questionnaire for book research for my mom and me, and gave some great insight into their gospel-focused wedding plans.

Then several weeks ago my friend Sarah of Ampersand Photography featured George and Becky’s wedding on her blog. So worlds collided and we now have some beautiful images to go along with a gorgeous, Christ-centered wedding. I could probably do three or four posts on this wedding, but will try to keep myself under control. And be sure to read to the bottom so you can see all the pictures.

The couple wanted their wedding to be a “celebratory worship service,” and this comes through in many of their decisions.

We asked how they chose to focus on the gospel in various elements of their wedding, and here are some of their answers:

Wedding Programs

Our church asks that you print all of the words to any scripture readings/songs and if possible the biblical text being used for the wedding sermon. It was explained to us by Deepak as a way of presenting the gospel to each guest and allowing them to take it away with them at the end of the service.

The back of the program noted how we will leave to honeymoon and return to make our home in D.C. together but that Heaven is our eternal home, and how our greatest joy and affections for each other pale in comparison to God’s eternal grace for sinners in the life and death of his son, Jesus Christ. We wanted our programs to magnify Christ’s graciousness to us, sinners saved by grace, and be beautiful for their purpose.

Music

Our church has many helpful guidelines for weddings that take place in the church. One of these is that the wedding ceremony is treated as a worship service and therefore corporate singing is a part of each ceremony. We loved this and were so happy to incorporate our favorite hymns into the service. We sang as a congregation the following songs: Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, The King of Love, Praise to the Lord, the Almighty. Becky walked down the aisle to The King of Love (instrumental) as it is her favorite hymn. After we kissed, the recessional song was There is a Happy Land. We loved keeping the focus on beautiful songs depicting even more beautiful truth, the truth of God’s love for sinners, the hope we have for eternity, and salvation that comes through faith in Christ.

Sermon

Deepak preached on Ephesians 5:21-33, which speaks about marriage and the gospel. It was a clear teaching that we wanted Deepak to use to teach us on that day our marriage began, and also a great way of distinguishing Christian marriage from this world’s misrepresentations of love and commitment. We were eager to hear this message, but also eager for some of our unbelieving family and friends to hear the good news of Jesus Christ and God’s purposes in marriage.

Advice for Couples

Focus on the ceremony, it is the ceremony that is the most meaningful part and gives you the greatest opportunity to share the gospel. We were blessed to have generous parents who made a lovely reception possible, but we both remark often that the most meaningful part of the day for us was the ceremony not the party afterwards! Focus on the truth of God’s Word for your marriage, not the table settings or color choices!

Short engagements are better than long engagements! We were engaged in early August and married the following January…a nearly 5 1/2 month engagement and by having a short engagement we were able to accomplish the necessary, without giving way to over-thinking the details that can be unnecessary.

Regarding money: Stress can come by having endless supplies of money and having too many possibilities while not having a gospel focus, or it can come by having limited or no funds and choosing to believe the world’s message that identity comes through weddings not Christ. 

Special thanks to George and Becky for allowing me to feature your wedding, and for the great advice you’ve shared! And thanks to Sarah for the gorgeous images!

If you would like to recommend a wedding to be featured in a Real Weddings post, please fill out the form here. It can be your own wedding or you can submit someone else’s. Thanks!

Vendors

Photographer: Ampersand Photography

Caterer: The Sweet Lobby

Floral Designer: Greenworks by Shane